Today is Rebecca's Birthday and my thoughts have been of Bec for most of the day. I tried to find her today but couldn't - Bec would know that I tried and that nothing would stop me from trying my best. I'm sorry I didn't find you Bec - Bec would know I'd be sorry about that too.

Rebecca knew me well - most of the time. She knew how I would react to what she told me and to what she may have done. But I could also surprise her - though Bec knew that I could do so and that I often would.

Bec loved my surprises and I'd say that she knew I'd have one for her birthday.

Happy birthday Bec - how I wish I could say that to you again. How I wish I could say that to you tonight - now. I can't - but you know that I would have liked that to be the case. I would never have forgotten your birthday and you knew that I wouldn't.

You always forgot mine - but that was OK, because I didn't mind about that. As long as you were my best friend it didn't matter about anything else.

I miss you Bec - I have every day since the last time I saw you and especially now since that fateful day in June 2008 when I heard that you had died.

It broke my heart that I couldn't be at your funeral. I so much wanted to be able to be there and how much it has hurt me to not be there. But you knew that I'd feel that way and I also know that you would understand that I couldn't be - especially since you knew the reason why I couldn't be.

I don't know that I have been able to say goodbye to you yet - I know I have never wanted to. I thought that day would be today but I couldn't find you and that upset me greatly.

I haven't forgotten you, as I promised I never would. I will continue to keep that promise as you know I will.

- - - - these icons below are so ridiculous (you knew I'd say that too). They just don't capture the moment/thoughts at all.