Hello my Dardy,
I am sorry there isnt much here but Mum has been here and I didnt want to upset her more. I have wrote and deleted numerous times. Dad she is finding it so hard to cope and I really dont know what to do to help. She has now gone back down to Leanne's, as I know deep down she didnt know what to do or say to help me when she was dealing with her own grief.
I love her but I dont know how to express it. I feel I am letting you down as I made you that promise in the hospital. Im soooo sorry Dardy. You know I would move heaven and hell just to make you happy.
You and I just sitting there of a night ,when I am working we have that time, I know I am blessed, but it is not the same. When Mum left I was so scared she was going to take you, but I knew deep down I could have you until September and she knows how close we are and wouldnt break that bond even though I know she needs you.
I dont know where I stand any more. I dont know who I am. I miss you so much as usual I have to stop the sobs in the middle of the night so they dont wake the kids, as they too miss you so much.
I thought I was coping with the anger of God taking you but deep down Im not. You were my best friend, and my Dardy. I havent cried for two days as there is so much going on around here Dad and I dont know where to start to fix it.And let me tell you those tears are flowing and they wont damm stop.
I could ring you , you would listen while I off loaded and and things always turned out. But they arent turning out, is it because I am going against the Grain of life.?
Im trying to chase the smiles I can remember 3 good days since you have passed. The kids always bring a smile to my face and always recall those wonderful mental albums of memories.As you said people can take anything from you material but they can never take your memories.
I did relize there was so many things about you they didnt know. But maybe it was because I was too selfish to share them.
We often sit and talk of you and they are always gut wrenching funny stories, we all remember as that is the type of person you were. Funny as hell even funnier. Funniest person I have ever known.
Most people wouldnt see that as funny but you and I always knew every one else was just a flock of turkeys. Well here I am Psychic or psycho as u liked to call me of the yr who cant see the wonderful and positive things, but I know that is my selfishness.
My Readings are excelling above and beyond anything I would have ever imagined in this lifetime. Ive pulled away from everyone and I know it hurts them but Im hurting and I dont know what else to do. Im sick of these tears. So I put 200% and beyond into work just trying to convince myself it makes a diffrence, when really I know it doesnt.
The Tears Dardy .When do they run out???? Sobbing quietly when I am going to sleep as to not wake any one. I know when you are around before you think I do as I smell you.
When I smell you I always dream of you and I know I tell you to go away in my dreams but Dardy I really dont mean it. I am just trying to stop the pain. The meditations I see meet you in and you being in my house should be enough to convince me but you did love me but sometimes its not.
These Tears have wet my clothes Dardy please just show me the signs of what I am meant to do, or how I am meant to deal with this. I miss your voice so muchhhhh especially when times are tough and its only been a few months.
I dont sleep properly and never have ,as my mind brings up your last days but I know and feel you are telling me to remember the good times, and I do its just so damm hard Dardy.
Its nearly 2am I betta go to bed. I havent been the most loving person to be around lately as all I do is work and sleep, but I am trying to change that. I had a lovely day with the kids today.
Dardy just know that I do need help now from you to help me to continue to grow but know most of all I loved you with everything and more...Dardy its not fair.. Kylie and Leanne have Mum and it feels like I have no one... Its so not fair. I loved you so much and you left me...
Talk Soon LOVE you and Missss you so much
Bimbo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx